When I was pregnant with my first baby I can very vividly remember the same 5 warnings from experienced moms that we need to resist from saying. There is no added value to the mamas experience by saying these and overall, they cause more frustration once baby comes rather than encouragement. I have compiled a short list of five to focus on today and a perspective change on how we should say them.
- Just wait until baby gets here…
- In my birth experience…
- Get all of your sleep now.
- Just wait until…
- Be prepared to be worried all the time.
Just wait until baby gets here…
You can finish the sentence with so many variables some that I heard was …you will realize how easy you have life now. You will wish you had done more traveling. You will not be able to do your hobbies anymore. These comments would linger with me for the rest of the day or week as I would think about all the ways my life would never be the same and I would be limited on what I wanted to do.
Instead we should say… Just wait until you get to love on that sweet baby. Just wait until you are able to finally hold them and start to make lasting memories with them. Just wait until you can watch them smile and laugh for the first time. Just wait until you get to experience the world through their eyes. Just wait until you get to share your hobbies with them.
In my birth experience…
Following this statement was usually their most horrifying perspective on child-birth. This one would fill me with anxiety as I would think of all the things that could potentially go wrong and learn of new things I didn’t even know could happen. Child-birth became this daunting task I had to endure to finally meet my baby and from all I had heard it was the most unpleasant experience of most mother’s lives.
Instead we should say… Birth is such an empowering experience and you get to see that your body is capable of amazing things. After I made it to the other side of my birth experience I felt the feeling of empowerment as I looked at the small human my body had just delivered. Why did none of the moms tell me about this feeling? You learn so much more about yourself and husband in the experience.
Get all of your sleep now.
This one was said on repeat throughout my pregnancy. First of all, you can’t add hours of sleep into a savings account. And second, we all know babies don’t sleep through the night.
Instead we should say… Soak up all those late night snuggles as they don’t last long. There were many nights that I would be awake for hours with my baby and feel frustrated because I longed for sleep. Once I changed my mindset though I quickly noticed that those late night wake up times didn’t bother me anymore. Honestly, now when my baby sleeps through the night I actually become sad that he didn’t need any snuggles throughout the night. Those became some of my most treasured times to spend just snuggling him.
Just wait until…
This is different than #1 because these statements usually focused on all of the bad parts of motherhood. Just wait until he starts teething. Just wait until he wont sleep through the night. Just wait until all the time laundry piles up. All of the focus of these comments are negative and are the most frequent kinds of advice given to new moms.
Instead we should say… Motherhood is an amazing experience and there is nothing to compare to it. We all know motherhood is hard, why point all the negatives to a new mom who is already overwhelmed. Rather give her some encouragement and things to look forward to as she enters this new chapter in her life. A positive outlook on motherhood can drastically change how we view it and can change our perspective of the challenging parts.
Be prepared to be worried all the time.
This comment usually came in when talking about SIDS, illness, injuries, nutrition, etc. These are all legit things to consider as a mother, but why worry about them before we even have the baby in our arms.
Instead we should say… Enjoy every moment! Time is a thief and we need to soak up all the little moments. Don’t let your time with them while they are little be wasted with worries. Rather find joy and happiness in even the smallest parts of your day with them. I heard the saying a few times now that I remind myself of often; “the days are long, but the years are short.” Don’t let your fears steal your joy in the moment.
Dear Mamas and Future Mamas,
If you are an experienced mama, share your joys and helpful tips with these new mamas who are already overwhelmed with doubt and fear. If you are a new mama, enjoy the time being pregnant, feeling those little baby kicks. Prepare to love someone more than you ever thought was possible and soak up all those sweet little moments.
